That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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