Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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