i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
