I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I am one with the molecules
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
