and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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