He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
