I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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