Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
