i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
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haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
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She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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