just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize