My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
