this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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