I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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