So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
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my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
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You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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