and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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