the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
