I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
