We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize