Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
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I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
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Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.