first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?