ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
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Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
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Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Whats that? My new stripper name?