i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.