i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Apparently you make a good broom.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call