so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
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If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
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Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?