Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
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I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵