im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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