just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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