dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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