May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize