franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
