My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
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the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
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I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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