oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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