UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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