Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?