well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!