i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?