Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers