I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.