I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
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Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
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Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration