I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!