Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.