worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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