Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
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Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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