It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
