It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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