You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize