the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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