what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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