don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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