He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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