After last night, I could never be a politician.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
