I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
