yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The power of my boobs compel you
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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