his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
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I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
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Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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