they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
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Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
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don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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