my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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