I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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