Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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