I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
