Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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