My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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