he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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