I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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